WHEN DID I TURN INTO THIS PERSON

It’s happened, something that I never thought would, it wasn’t overnight & I can’t pinpoint when it happened but I have turned into a shouty mum. Scrap that – a yelling mum.

I am at that point of exhaustion where yelling is coming all too easily, I’m fed up of the daily struggles of severe pregnancy sickness – not to mention the normal pregnancy symptoms of tiredness & aches & pains. The housework has fallen by the wayside & the biggest attitude problems have landed at the worst time. Her attitude & back chat is out of control – but so is my yelling.

I yell at meal times over fussy eating & messing on, I yell when the girls are yelling at each other (great parenting I know), I yell when we are in a rush, when we are late, mostly I yell when I feel like no one’s listening to me.

S has started making bad choices, that sounds like she’s starting hanging out down the park smoking weed with 16 year olds – obviously this is not the kind of bad decision I’m talking about. Bad choices day-to-day, persuading her Sister to do naughty things, treating her badly, telling lies, taking things she knows she shouldn’t, trashing her room, constantly turning the living room upside down. These  all seem like pretty minor things, but its constant , multiple times a day when I am constantly having to remind her how to behave.  ‘Ohh she’s just a kid’ I hear you say but it’s utterly exhausting. When will she learn, when will she start listening. I’ exhausted, I’m exhausted by her behaviour, I’m exhausted by the constant cleaning up after her, the constant reminders of how she should behave & the constant reminders of how her behaviour isn’t good enough – but mostly,  mostly I’m exhausted by my own. When did I turn to shouting, how did it even start?

I used to speak softly & be heard, have a discipline technique in place & stick to it, calmly count to 3 before utilising the naughty corner. Now I  just shout, I rarely count to 3 – its me who needs time out, it’s me who needs to cool off & it’s me who needs to re-evaluate her behaviour.

I have just had a long chat with Safiyah about how I am stopping the shouting, I’m not doing it anymore, I need to hold my hands up & say enough is enough & be accountable for my shouty behaviour. I need to build up my energy, I need to work on my calming techniques & I need to build that patience back up that seems to have diminished.

This is me being accountable for my actions & I’m nipping the yelling in the bud.

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